I haven’t written in a while and I feel that this post Miss Pole Australia hype is the perfect time to update you all on how I am going and to say some big thank you’s.
I know a lot of you have become concerned for my health due to a recent weight drop and yes, I am aware that I am much smaller than I have been for a while, however I do want to let you all know that I am slowly on the mend mentally and have successfully put about 2kg back on!
My recent weight loss was triggered by a number of things and my most recent overseas trip, of which I have previously written about in my blog being extremely ‘home sick’, is when the avalanche caught speed.
During my time away, I lost my appetite and found that the only thing making me feel comfortable was running – both of which were bad habits of my past that caused more damage than good. I had felt like my spark had been stolen and I had become a lifeless emotional wreck.
By the time I arrived at Pole Expo Vegas, I had become so detached and absent, so much so, that my memory of the whole event feels like a blur. I remember 5 minutes before I performed for the Bad Kitty fashion show, I was huddled over in tears to the incredibly supportive Trisha Stone, feeling so fragile, and both emotionally and physically exhausted.
The trip made me realise, that I do have the power and choice to say no to things. No to travel, no to teaching, no to performing. I had got so caught up in wanting to please everyone and saying yes all the time, that I didn’t have any sparkles left for myself.
After I returned home, I began school straight away and I love it!! I am so happy to have taken then time to focus on something that I have always wanted to do. I have found it so liberating to have re-evaluated my self worth to realise I do have control over what I want to do and sometimes saying no is the right decision. I am so grateful to have some amazing people in my life standing by me and looking out for me when I need it the most. So here begins the thank you’s.
Thank you firstly to the Bad Kitty team. My sponsors – Trisha and Jack for hugging me and holding me up when I was falling down. Thank you to Lou Landers and Carlie Hunter for pepping me up and giving me life when I thought I was hopeless. Thank you Prana for your extremely kind words just before I got on to the stage. You really made me feel so much love. Thank you to all the other team members Mina, Nadia, Natoli, Sam Star just to name a few that were there by my side.
A special mention also to Chris Talbot (Blue Phoenix), Jedda Jordan, Justine McLucas, Suwasit, Sergia, Chilli Rox and Andrea Ryff who have all spent time listening to me and making sure that I am doing ok and staying happy. You all have such warm and beautiful souls!
Thank you to Maddie Sparkle and Shimmy for all the hugs and support and for always offering your time to me. You both make me feel extremely wanted and loved!
Thank you to Marion Crampe, my idol, my sister, my fairy. I am grateful that you are by my side and always looking out for me even when you live so far away!
I want to thank my Blackbird Family. Thank you Fontaine, who has inspired me for years for taking the time to talk to me and look out for me making sure that everything was ok! Thank you Olga for always being a great support and nurturing figure in my life. Thank you Gina for always believing in me when I didn’t and for the spontaneous messages that brighten my day 🙂
I also want to say thank you to all of my fans, supporters and students for all your kind words! I can’t thank you guys enough for giving me the career I had always dreamed of! I have learnt my lesson than sometimes when you get what you wish for it can bite you in the bum, but I have come to terms with finding the balance and am looking forward to continuing on this path with you all!
And finally, a massive thank you to Andrea James Lui. I have always said that you are my rock. But man, you really are. Through thick and thin, through laughs and cries, you are just always there and such a genuine friend! I can’t explain how thankful I am that I have met you and I am so grateful that I have such a strong, beautiful and powerful role model by my side.
I know I have probably missed some incredible people out because I have been in a whirlwind of an emotional state but thank you to everyone who has given me their time, expressed concerns, listened, hugged or chatted to me! I am looking up and excited for the future and what it has to bring with this new valued perspective!
This photo says everything ❤
Thank you Leslie Liu for capturing this moment.